Things your partner does that show you are terrible in the bedroom

Making love is an art that requires skill and experience to perfectly execute. The unfortunate bit about it is that when the execution is poor, the blame is always heaped on the poor man. One wonders, why aren’t women blamed? How are men expected to be good or perfect at an activity that has no socially-sactioned training or tutorials in the first place?

This sad state of affairs has led many men to assume or even brag that they are good at it. But when the moment of truth comes, sorry men, it’s only women who can make the verdict. So gentlemen, you can boast all you want, but if you don’t fit the bill below, up your game.

7. You’re hung like a donkey. Most of the times, men blessed with king-sized weapons of mass procreation always don’t measure up where it matters most. The mere fact that they are armed with a deadly bazooka gets in their heads and they make no effort to entertain and satisfy their partners. Guys, this thing is about skills. Do not go thrusting away like a piston and assume she’s enjoying herself. Also, don’t be misled by the bl_ue movies you always watch, where the dominant theme is power, stamina and speed! There is more to it.

6. You’re fat and she is always on top

Gentlemen, it’s good to be on top of your game! Just like you need to hit the gym if you want to get that six pack, and you actually need to read a book if you want to be a quality conversationalist, you must also work out to be physically fit. Stop being a slumbering log.

3. You think you’re an adult film star

Before you start itching to record yourself or checking yourself out in the mirror while at it, ask yourself a question: Is this really what she wants? While adult entertainers make a living treating each other’s bodies like objects, most women don’t enjoy being treated that way in real life.

5. If she gives a lot of instructions

“Oh, baby! Right there! No wait, there! Faster… slowly…” Dude, these are not accolades, these are instructions. If she is moaning anything but “yes!” or your name (if it is someone else’s name, you have other bigger problems), then you should listen up, and start taking notes.

4. If she likes asking, “Is there anything you want done differently?”

If she asks if she’s doing something wrong, the subtext is: “Something is off here. I’m not enjoying myself. How do we fix this?” Rather than giving her a report card on her performance, get a little introspective. Tell her she’s great, and ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel better. Then, adjust your technique accordingly.

3. If you’ve to ask, for her to say you’re good

The more often you ask how good you are, the more likely it is you actually suck. You all appreciate it when she rolls over, turns to you, and sighs, “That was so great.” But, trouble comes when you really have to prod or even beg her to utter those words.

2. She asks if “that’s it?”

Okay, she probably isn’t going to ask you that, but if it lasted less than three minutes, you know she’s thinking it. Trust me, there are many dudes out there who claim to have finished just when they have not even began.

1. She fakes it

Yeah, you might feel that her screaming in tongues isn’t really important, but sorry to burst your bubble, it is. It’s just an outward expression of how she really feels inside. When she is too loud or not loud enough or she is within normal volume but no rhythm at all, she is faking it.